I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
