She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Randomize
