Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
