he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
