Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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