How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
