her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
