10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
