Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
