we have officially mastered the walk of shame
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
