Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Everclear isn't food dammit
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