yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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