dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
