WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
