she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
