oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
