UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
