remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
