Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
