the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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