Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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