Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
