I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
