East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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