Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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