I want to walk on stilts...naked
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i wish my penis had a tongue
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
