Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
