I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
