HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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