Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
