You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
