I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
