I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
