Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
