3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
