the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
