Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
