I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
