Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I'm drive I can fine osifer
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
