Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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