This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
