I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
