Jerry, you need to find god
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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