don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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