ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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