oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
