Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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