her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
