Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
