I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
