I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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